Louis Rouffaud
With any beautiful destination you’ll find tourist traps luring in the unaware, wasting both your time and money. Here are the 3 worst to avoid on the isles and what you should do instead.
Popeye Village: Malta’s eyesore tourist traps
Malta’s west coast is wild, wind swept, and prime for adventure. Between ancient archeological sites and hidden swimming spots you could scarcely dream of, this place brings you back in time. An area of pristine sunsets and hiking trails among the caper bushes. In the west you’re more likely to hear Maltese than any other language when off the beaten path. This is the true and unspoiled spirit of the Maltese Isles. Then, there’s Popeye Village.
An eyesore on this incredible coast. The corny, lifeless buildings create a movie set in which overpriced food and irritating music rattles your eardrums. There’re no less than 1000 other things I would rather do in Malta, including getting run over by a Wolt delivery bike (keep an eye out for those crazy drivers).
This set must be the site of a cinematic masterpiece if it’s been kept around since the 80’s, right? No, Popeye has an uninspiring IMDB rating of 5.4/10 and 60% score on rotten tomatoes. Though we all loved Robin Williams, even he would want this eyesore removed.
Avoiding the tourist traps: what to do instead
You’ve arrived at the big island’s northwestern side. Though many come this way just for the ferry to Gozo, there’s a plethora of things to enjoy. Here’s 5 to get you started:
- Farther north, enjoy a swim day at Little Armier Beach
- Dance while listening to hip-hop, reggae and DnB at Bloom Festival, or camp and chill at the free-living Vortex Fest
- Explore around one of Malta’s most interesting natural features, Coral Lagoon
- Complete any beach day at Fin & Gills in St. Paul’s Bay for a proper English fish and chips
- A bit south, soak in the sunset at Għajn Tuffieħa, maybe hike up the ridge for a better vantage point
Blue Lagoon
A surprise on this list for sure. Though beautiful, there’s no way around it that the Blue Lagoon is overrun. Hoards descend on the area in peak summer and as with any place consumed by tourists, it loses its charm.
When walking along the Sliema strip you’ll see the leathery skinned British salespeople trying to lure you onto one of these overpriced trips. Avoid them and opt for a more personalized boat tour if you’re so inclined. Hell, rent your own boat and be the captain of your own adventure (last time we rented one from Xlendi on Gozo).
Check out the many equally quality spots around the islands like Crystal Lagoon on Comino. If you’re bold enough, climb up from the small dock to cliff dive from the surrounding rocks (at your own risk).
For those looking to dance we’ve got recs for you too. Keep an eye out for the infrequent Juuls reggae boat parties, we hardly mention boat parties because the vibes can be 50/50. In the case of Juuls boat parties, they blow everything out of the water.
Paceville is the king all Maltese tourist traps
Out of all the bays around Malta, fewer close as frequently due to E. coli outbreaks than in the waters of Paceville. Both literal and figurative fecal matter ooze from this place. With DJs playing brutal commercial mixes and the most agro bros you’ve ever seen, there’s no lack of reasons to stay away.
As with everything, Paceville does have its occasionally quality joint. Just make sure to visit with a plan. Otherwise you may end up spending your hard-earned money for a bout of diarrhea and a hangover.
Around the area on the east side of the island, here are places to go instead of seedy St. Julian’s:
- A little dip and an aperitivo at Exiles will get anyone’s evening started on the right foot
- Check out Storeroom in between Sliema and Valletta for quality music
- Eat a succulent Chinese meal at the Drunken Dumpling
- Listen to live bands every night at Babel Bistro from their repurposed school chairs (a proper date spot too)
- Head to Surfside on Wednesday evenings for A Little Crush, a legacy seaside summer party with house, funk, disco and afro sets
Stay away from the white cabs (bonus tip)
Notorious among locals, the Maltese white cabs are to be avoided. While they’re not terribly expensive, they tend to drive at reckless speeds like they are invincible. If you need to get around, use eCabs (a local Maltese cab service) or the simple car sharing apps of Bolt or Uber.
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